Last night’s drunken revelation

Last night I ended up getting drunk… by myself… don't ask… ok well I felt shitty about many things and I really needed to feel at ease so I turned to alcohol. It helped somewhat, but after a while, I started feeling what made me drink in the first place so intoxicated me aka me without social inhibitions decided to go to Dominos pizza, where I used to work (mind you it was 10-something that time). It's a thing I do sometimes to remind myself I can be strong. It was horrible working there – the pay was disappointing, the manager didn't seem to care, my colleagues were cold and distant, and of course the petty customers. So, back then when I would wake up in the morning feeling like the world was going to end and getting a text I would have to come into work the very same day… I would dread it… but I would always find it in me to get through the day. So, going to Dominos is a reminder for me that I can manifest this energy where I'm so driven and focused I forget about everything that gets me down or worries me. So yeah ended up seeing it in the flesh, still somewhat intoxicated… well tipsy… I realised it wasn't doing anything for me I was still feeling shitty so back to the drawing board I go and I move on to #3 on my list of what I do when things get rough (getting drunk is right at the end, it's not #2, don't worry) #3 on the list is being around colourful lights. Believe it or not, I used to have mini flashlights in multiple colours I had the whole rainbow - ROYGBIV realness along with 3 additional colours – white, pink and brown. I would switch them all in darkness and play with them until boredom strikes. It was something I considered poetic, it gives me this perspective that there's always light at the end of the tunnel or light in darkness (real Disney and real cheesy like, I know), and that regardless of how far away I may seem from the end of the tunnel or how dark I am feeling I always think that there's a chance I would see the light/be with the light so I did just that. I ended up walking to where I felt like lights would be. My legs eventually got me to the central part of this town where shops about 15-20 of them were sitting pretty showcasing their never-ending display of commercial lights. Still tipsy I decided to go right in the middle of the road and watch them. Twirling, turning and taking in each colour and logo, and yet again feeling it be ineffective and getting exhausted at that point, I was ready to give up and go home to sleep the night away. Plot twist I see two people walking around and I immediately associated them with trouble, they look the part adorned in tracksuits and hoodies, ignorant of me to think, I know, they may have been out on a jog but because of alcohol my immediate thought was that they're probably here to steal some cash. I went up to them with the mindset to provoke them, provoke a reaction that would cause physical harm to me. I think I said something along the lines of "Isis likes you guys, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual, you like them too, so get it over and done with and fuck everyone up and fuck me up too, bleach me like the skid mark that I am (remember saying this cause I did laugh as soon as I realised how ridiculous I sound). Much to my disappointment they didn't retaliate, well only verbally – cussing me out telling me to fuck off and go home, which I tried to do. I remember going down this road and feeling so exhausted I sat down and rested my back on this lamp post I don't know how long I was there but I remember dosing off… only to be waken up by a call from a friend I was drunk texting on my way to Dominos (nothing made sense it was all jumbled up letters) she called to see if I'm okay and I immediately said I'm not drunk answering her question which wasn't what she asked – she asked if I was okay not if I am drunk. Really worried, she tried to find out what was going on, only to cause some disturbance on the neighbourhood specifically to this person. I looked up to my left on the other road adjacent to the road I was on, seeing a person open the door probably because I disturbed them with my "trying" to prove my soberness to that friend on the phone: feeling a sense of familiarity on the silhouette/hair/voice/face of the person looking out from their open front door, exposing a partial view of their living room, it clicked. "Shit, I saw this guy 3 weeks ago… I definitely know him… we went to the same school… I used to have a crush on him" realising how much of a fool I'm probably looking in front of him I decided to run. Fast. Drunk. Never looking back. I don't know what happened next all I know is that I ended up getting a taxi home as I was too drained and shocked to retrace my steps back to Dominos. Got home, thought about what happened and re-lived everything in my head, probably four times before going to bed. I woke up today feeling fine hangovers are rare for me (thank you Asian genetics) also didn't drink much anyway. Still remembering fragments of what happened last night… and very convinced of its reality - definitely not a dream and for sure taking place in the waking world. Needless to say I'm a bit paranoid and embarrassed, I am hoping he didn't recognise me I mean I had a haircut recently and last time he saw me my hair was long so… not that it matters anyway, we were only acquaintances never friends in school and probably will never be. I didn't have the confidence to talk to someone like him anyway and still don't.

Moral of the story? Don't go on drunken adventures especially by your lonesome. Not to mention it's dangerous but you may never know who you may stumble upon and how you're going to look in front of them. Also, I now believe about the universe's power or whatever is out there and convinced that things may seem coincidental but are really not. What are the chances I would end up seeing that guy, in his house? The very same guy who I really liked back then. It definitely gave me perspective and helped me through my situation. Thankfully I never made a mental note of his street or house door as I may end up stalking him… not that it's a possibility my social anxiety probably will get the best of me, of course, my morals as well but excruciating boredom sometimes is a catalyst to crazy antics but most of the time it's me trying to learn Beyonce choreographies, but that's a different story.

Actors

Actors all around me wanting to feel right…
Wanting to see clear…
Wanting to hear and feel…
But what if those who play at this game, end up playing what’s real?

Why play such a game when you’re wondering,
Where it would lead?

Flight of feelings
Only leads to
Crashing courses

Fabled perceptions of reality
Eventually, takes over your senses

Ask yourself again
Is it real?

Magic

How many times do we delude ourselves to the illusion of magic?
How many times are we using magic?
All the time spent living under magic?

This is how some get notorious
Magic in delusions of grandeur
Magic in the gratification of fabrications
Impressions of happiness engulfed in magic
Only making others fail to see what’s real,
exacerbating what not to feel

Beautiful Magic,
Falsifying

Beautiful Magicians,
I know you’re lying

Beautiful bane,
I can feel your power

The reflection of life,
sometimes not so ideal
Is that why magic exist?

Capering Alive

Capering through this motionless night
How in the world of others they play so nonchalant

But there’s us
out and about powerful and inspired

I jump so high, we have it fine
If only every day we feel this fine
If only every day we feel we’re good to love

Let’s caper through the city lights
Dance like children lost in the skies
Tonight we come alive

Caper

corpse

closing doors leads to falling corpse
Falling corpse contribute to major heartaches
Heartaches turn the beautiful to its opposite
The world is now at its opposite

Reborn and you open it
The world preceding back to the opposite
Beautiful magic… how you plead for its empty core
Corpse upon corpse

Vicious cycle never cinematic

Pink Punters

Colourful music surround the lights
Wonderful and beautiful bodies around the lights
At peace with each passing moments drifting by
Hours never seem to pass by
At least that’s what we know

Sobriety comes and here we go
How could I be so foolish to let this go?
Going so high to now so low

How wonderful, the effects of alcohol

Lost

Beneath the surface, there’s more

Beneath the surface, we’re lost

Beneath the surface, way we go

Beneath the surface, listen more

Beneath the surface, young and old

Beneath it, are experiences we shall never let go